By Eric and Kelsey on June 7, 2011 7

6 More Reasons We’re Still Married

The 12 reasons we’re still married has been our most popular post to date. I’m glad you liked it. As we grow and learn, we’ll be adding to this list. We’ve already thought of some more reasons and wanted to share them with you now.

Love birds

1. We build each other up. Complimenting your spouse in public is one of the most attractive things you can do for each other. I remember early in our marriage that I didn’t feel Eric was an advocate for me when we were around other people. Meaning if one of my family members made a joke about me, he didn’t stand up for me. He laughed along with them, even when the joke hurt me. I think I can take most jokes about me, and over the past few years I’ve learned to laugh at myself. However, some things I said or did when I was younger (read: more immature) are still used against me in a jokingly manner. Like, every single time we’re around my family. Although I’ve changed, the jokes continue, and Eric thought they were funny but not after I told him how it made me feel. Husbands: you can never tell your wife enough that she’s pretty. Especially when others are listening. (Kelsey)

2. We don’t go to bed mad. I don’t know what it is, but most of our arguments start in bed. When we’re tired, we get irritated easily. And, well, when I’m mad I actually feel like going to sleep. I’ll wake up without a sore feeling toward Eric. But, Eric can’t sleep and the problem doesn’t get solved. It just gets shoved under the covers until the next evening. (Kelsey)

3. We do the work. By now you may have noticed that marriage takes work. We continue to work on our marriage and talk about how to make it better all the time. Sometimes it’s a one-step-forward-and-two-steps-back kind of a process, but if we want to have great marriage, we know we have to put in the time to make it better. (Eric)

4. The Five Love Languages book. As I write this, we are realizing that we need to reread this book, take extensive notes and develop a plan for implementation. The first time we read the book, it wasn’t intentional. We simply found it interesting, but didn’t “do the work” (#3) that was needed to get the most out of it. We are a lot maturer in our marriage and and we both feel we would benefit greatly. (Eric)

5. We continue to date. No, not other people. We date each other. We make sure in the business of life that we take time to relax and have fun. This means spending quality time together at least once a week. We used to be better at this and have kind of fallen off it lately. We are working on coming up with ideas to share about the kinds of things we do for date night. (Eric)

6. We don’t ever use absolutes. Oops. Well, at least we try not to. This is a hard one for both of us. Absolutes love to come out to play in the heat of the moment, but rarely are they true. When I say “Kelsey, you never take out the trash,” I am lying. She has taken out the trash before. This kind of language fuels the fire and instead of working out the real issue, by using absolutes I just make Kelsey more upset by not expressing the truth. (Eric)

Some of these ideas were sparked by the comments of our readers. Thank you. Please continue to share your thoughts, we appreciate it!

Check out the 12 Reasons We’re Still Married if you haven’t. It’s our most popular post.

  1. Love your lists! You definitely hit the nail on the head with both of them. My hubby and I have been meaning to read The Five Love Languages but haven’t gotten to it yet. The one that really plays a major role in our marriage is Love And Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. If you haven’t read it, it’s definitely a good read!

  2. I really enjoyed The 5 Love Languages. I second Nicole on Love and Respect. I also recommend reading His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, and Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge. Love & War is probably my favorite book on marriage so far. They approach marriage from the spiritual aspect rather than a step 1, step 2, step 3…. Any of John Eldredge’s books are great reads.

    We too struggle with using absolutes. Always a work in progress.

  3. We read Love & Respect too. It’s such a good one! There’s actually a Love & Respect retreat we are going to try to do this summer. My friend’s church does it every year and we keep saying we are going to but this year we actually mean it. ;)

  4. I LOVE you guys. You are incredible, inspiring, funny, and so awesome! I just found your blog yesterday and I have literarily done nothing but read a million of your posts. I just can get enough. This was one of my absolute favorites, I am getting married in September and reading what you guys have to say is so informational but in a totally fun way.
    Much love from Boston!

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