By Eric on May 30, 2012 12

My Advice for the Bachelor

I was at a bachelor party a few weekends ago.

Let me clear the air and say that there were no wolf-pack speeches, babies named Carlos or mysterious tigers in the bathroom the morning after. (I actually can’t verify that there wasn’t a tiger, I suppose, because I didn’t stay the night, but I digress.)

The agenda was pretty low-key: golfing and then out to the backwoods to a furnished cabin for dinner and bonfire.

advice for a bachelor. Golfingadvice for the bachelor. bonfire

I was lucky enough to be paired with the bachelor during our 18-hole stint on the golf course. I was slightly caught off guard eight holes in when he asked me a very direct question: What advice do you have for a bachelor about to get married?

I suppose I was just hoping for a relaxing game of golf, man-style, not a lot of chit chat, just play ball. Plus, I’ve never really been asked that question.

But the answer came to mind almost immediately, and as I was telling Kels about it later, it was so comforting to know that I had given advice that I wholeheartedly believe in.

While I could have rambled on about all the reasons we’re still married or that to be really intentional they should create a family playbook, I boiled it down to two simple concepts:

  1. Never Lie. Ever. I don’t care how small you think that little white lie is, don’t do it. If you open the door to little white lies, it’s all the invitation the devil needs to move in and wreak havoc. It’s just not a good idea. Even if it’s joking. It’s not worth it.
  2. Always talk through your problems. Be honest if something is bothering you. Bring it up. Discuss the issues with love, and keep calm. Especially never go to bed angry. If you let anger simmer, it will eventually boil. The obvious advice here is: Communication is everything.

The more I think about the advice I gave my friend, the more I realize how trust is so important. As spouses, if we fail at either one of these two items, we will break trust with the other. Trust is a valuable thing that might be earned easily once, but very difficult to earn back after it’s been broken.

Kelsey and I didn’t do a great job of talking through our problems early on in our marriage. As we’ve matured, we’ve gotten a lot better. Love & Respect took us to a whole new level of communication.

What advice would you give to a bride/groom? Leave a comment below.

 

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Facebook Discussion

Eric

Husband to Kelsey. Father to Rooney. Follower of Jesus. Born and raised in Iowa. I like blogging. Bulleted lists excite me. Thanks for stopping by.

  1. fabulous advise i am very proud of your answer LOVE YA MOM

  2. My biggest piece of advice (coming from a wife) would be build your marriage upon the Rock.

    Matthew 7: 24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

    There are SO SO many temptations on our society but if you have a solid foundation, you will survive the “storms” because we ALL know there WILL be storms! Pray together and as you said, be intentional. Water your own grass (marriage) because the grass is NOT greener on any sides unless you water it!

  3. good advice eric! my hope is that every bachelor could receive words like this before they are married and then follow thru. but alas, we are human and kinda suck at follow thru :)

    also great advice from amy!

  4. I’d say be careful of your expectations. Many times early in marriage my hubby and I suffered frustration because things didn’t just happen like we assumed they would. (It’s not like the movies….) Keeping expectations realistic helps. And, going along with what you said about communication, each of us is learning to state what we think is obvious–I want this; I need help with that; it meant a lot to me when you ____. Fewer assumptions = fewer frustrations!

  5. My advice? Find a great marriage counselor and go see him/her every three months. Even if you think you are doing great, go see him/her. I’m a broken record about this! I think it is has been the healthiest thing my husband and I have done. If one or both spouses are in ministry, I think it is a MUST! When in ministry, too much goes on that you cannot just share with anyone. So a counselor becomes your safe place for advice!

    • I think Kelsey and I would love this. However, we share so much on this blog, I kind of feel like you all are our counselors!

  6. Getting married in 2 weeks. REALLY blessed by this post. I love advice, but I think I’ve found that listening to too much advice can cause you to lose your way, too. My advice to newly engaged friends has been “don’t listen to ALL of the advice everyone wants to give you”. But your advice is the kind people should listen to. Love it, love your blog.

    • Thanks Lauren! Good luck with your wedding and congratulations!

    • Lauren, that is so true! The best advice we got (from our counselor) was to find what works for us and do that! Your marriage will be different from all the rest. So, find what works for you guys.

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