By Kelsey on April 26, 2011 12

My Mom Always Said…

My mom always said I couldn’t get married until I was 25. It was just one of her rules.

And rules are meant to be broken, right?

I got engaged at age 22 and married at 23. I had only been 23 for seven days, actually. (Don’t worry, my parents were thrilled to see us get married, and they gave Eric their blessing when he asked for their permission to propose.)

We had a lovely fall wedding and went on a magical honeymoon. It seemed like happily ever after.

But I was young.

And selfish.

And I had no idea the amount of work that was required for having a great (not good) marriage.

I never thought marriage would or should be work. Eric is the love of my life, and God brought us together, so I just thought it was going to magically work out.

Happily ever after, right?

Because of my naivety, we spent two years being married and me NOT thinking we needed to work at it, and Eric trying so hard to work at it.

The tension grew and grew until I finally woke up grew up and realized that our marriage wasn’t great and it wasn’t going to be unless we did work at it. Together.

So, over the past couple years, we’ve worked hard at making our marriage great. It’s been so worth it.

And guess what? I grew up right around my 25th birthday.

Those moms…how do they get so smart?

 

Facebook Discussion

Facebook Discussion

Kelsey

I love my husband, my daughter and the Internet.

  1. Mark and I have been together for 5.5 years, and it took us almost 4 years to realize that. I always say that loving him is easy; it’s the actual day-to-day relationship that is hard. And it’s not even that the work itself is hard- it’s being committed to keeping at it that’s hard. Some days I don’t want to pitch in with chores, or listen about his day, or even be remotely friendly. But I do (and he does) because it’s more important to be with him than to be selfish. Ugh sometimes it’s hard being a grownup!

    • I love your second to last sentence. Great motto to live by. I guess your last sentence is pretty good too….

    • Cathy, what a mature relationship it sounds like you have! That is so great that you learned all this while you are dating. You totally got what I was saying (thank goodness, because sometimes I don’t think I explain myself very well). I never wanted to talk about money, or pitch in on chores, or compromise on ANYTHING. I wanted to be independent and just let things take care of themselves. But they don’t. And I still need to serve Eric more with chores, and getting up in the morning so we can get to work earlier.

  2. i’m older and wiser—-but it was right for you that’s why i agreed to it :)

  3. Oh Kels…I so do remember your moms rule! ha! I always tried to tell her that might be pushing it a little…but she hung tuff right to the end… she knew you two were meant to be together! The first couple years have really built some memories..(what would you be blogging if it weren’t for those!)…and just think of how many more you will build! Lucky for us we get to share some of them with you!

  4. I agree! Marriage is work. Way more work than I ever imagined it would be. But I love it. It is totally worth the paycheck in the end. And you don’t have to wait till next Friday to cash in. As long as my wife and I are working together to make it work…I believe it will work. That’s not to say there aren’t tough days…OH THERE ARE!! We are both stubborn independent women…but we are able to find some common middle ground and remember that we love each other and that is why we are here.

    oatestosow.blogspot.com

  5. Sometimes you aren’t even ready at 25…At 25 I thought we got it, then we had a kid and went through a year activation all at the same time…we are starting over again, but that is ok, I wouldn’t want to start over with anyone else!! I’ve been slow to read and keep up with your blogs but I love them! Thanks for sharing!!

    • You are right, you can’t attach an age to it. But I grew up a lot from age 23 to 25, and my immaturity caused a lot of conflict in my marriage! Thanks for reading! :)

  6. Kelsey, I love this post because it completely resonates with me. I also married young (I was 22 and Chad is 7 years older than me). I went from a completely sheltered and protected life with my parents to a marriage, and I guess I kind of just expected my husband to selflessly take care of me exactly the way my mom and step-dad had. Those first two years were TOUGH, and I don’t know how Chad stuck around. I was selfish and dependent, and even though I always thought the opposite of myself, completely immature. 24 was the worst year of my life because I was trying to grow up way too fast, and in a career that I overwhelmed me and a masters program at a local university because I really thought that’s what I was “supposed to do,” and suffice it to say, I was a hot. mess.

    25 was kind of my eye-opening year, too. It’s when I left the job I hated, and Chad was laid off from his job, and here we were with no prospects in sight, working about 3 side jobs each, and wondering how we were going to make it all work. And then we decided to take on the flower shop, and even through the stress of running a business and the challenges that come with it, I’ve never felt more at peace with my life. We’re certainly not raking in the cash, but we’re making enough to live comfortably (and have paid off some major debt — also loved your debt series!) and we’re doing it together. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and when I look back at that 22 year old, she’s pretty unrecognizable. I’m still dependent on my husband, but in a completely different way. I depend on him as my partner and as someone I know I can trust with my whole heart, not as someone to just take care of me and my every whim.

    I am really enjoying reading through your posts — and here I thought I couldn’t love anything more than Snappy Casual! ;-) — thank you for sharing your marriage so openly and honestly. You guys are awesome!

  7. What a beautiful picture of you! I know, I never like to admit it but, my mom always seems to be right aswell. I love this post!

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