By Kelsey on June 11, 2012 14

Reader Question: Do You Ever Want Another Child?

pregnant belly

A. I do! I definitely want Rooney to have a brother or sister, and I want to experience it all at least one more time. I used to want four kids, each three years apart, but now I’m not so sure about that. I never really did the math. Maybe two kids will be enough for us. :) I would love to experience raising a son, but I would also love for Rooney to know what it’s like to have a sister.

Sometimes I even think I’m ready to get pregnant with our next kid. But I remember telling Eric the night she was born that we would have to adopt the rest of our children. I was traumatized for almost a week. I had flashbacks of the labor/delivery and it brought me to tears almost every time. But slowly over the first month, I realized that the joy she brings us is so worth all the pain.

I know I post a lot about my shock at how hard it really is to take care of another human. And I was not shy about my struggle with postpartum depression. I know I may experience the same sadness, anxiety, overwhelming-ness, fear and exhaustion with my future child/ren, and it worries me a little bit.

I will probably do things a bit differently next time to ease the transition. I hope to have less expectations about everything. Mostly breastfeeding. And more appreciation of the journey and the beauty of it all.

 

Question for you: When did you know that you were done having kids?

 

Kelsey

I love my husband, my daughter and the Internet.

  1. I think you have just asked one of life’s hardest questions! It is SUCH a final decision to decide to be done having children and one I am very uneasy with.

    We have 2 kids, Alexis and Austin, both who are beautiful and healthy now. But it hasn’t always been that way. Our daughter was born 3 months early. See a little bit of her story here: http://tinyurl.com/alexisann11

    After all of the struggles we had with Alexis, I wanted to be done. However, my husband was persistent in wanting another child and 5 years later, we did have a beautiful baby boy. After a ton of intervention, he was born a healthy (term) baby.

    It’s satisfying to know we have one of each. I thought for sure I’d want to be done but now I waiver. We had my husband’s vasectomy scheduled and I canceled it. It ‘s so final.

    Questions that pop up are:

    Is it God’s plan for us to be done having children or are we lead to have more?

    Will our daughter regret never having a sister? (Like you Kelsey, I love my sister!)

    Would our son want a brother?

    And MANY more. Honestly, I think about this question almost every day. It’s hard. My head says be done but something in my heart says maybe one (or two) more.

    But then my head kicks in again. With 3+ kids so many things change. We are out numbered. We’d have to get a bigger vehicle. We’d have to have another high-risk pregnancy.

    All we can do is pray about it and listen to God’s nudges to decide if we are meant to have more children.

    Thanks for posting about this. I look forward to reading about how others are deciding on more children, or not.

    • amy, God’s work in your family’s life is amazing! thank you for sharing that video again.

      i am hoping that God makes it clear for us when we are done…but I’m sure if He doesn’t, that He has a reason for it and we are supposed to learn and grow in some way :)

  2. There are A LOT of days that I want another baby….that would make #4. However, when I sit down and watch my three girls play together, I see how perfect it all is and wonder if another baby would fit in as well as M3 did/does. Their chemistry and flow is quite amazing and I think M&M are/were young enough to really love Mylie and accept her into our family. I’m not sure they would be quite as patient with another one….and Mylie thinks she’s the Queen Bee around here so I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t take to another baby well at all (ie like when she sees me hold Roo!). When we think about going on family vacations and stuff, we want to have the kids old enough to enjoy and remember most of it and for those goals to happen anytime soon, we need to be done having kids. I haven’t had that “Finale” moment that many parents talk about–that they absolutely knew they were done having kids, but I do feel absolutely content in relishing in the company of these three without any regrets!

  3. “And more appreciation of the journey and the beauty of it all.” – Amen. I know you just have to go through things and experience what you experience, but I hope I better appreciate the magic of pregnancy next time. I kick myself a bit now for focusing on the fact that I threw up every day until Henry came out or the anxiety that sometimes consumed me. God allowed me to grow our little boy that whole time…how cool is that?! Note to self.

    • i think that’s why i want another one NOW. so i can make it up to myself for feeling so lousy when rooney was born. i keep telling myself i’ll do better next time. instead, because it is scary to think about another newborn and because eric wants to wait, i need to focus on enjoying rooney at each stage, and soaking it in.

  4. My husband was done at two, but I promised him that if we had another, I’d be okay if he wanted to have surgery to prevent more kids. We had another, he had surgery. We both recently have been thinking a fourth would be great, so we’re looking into adopting. We don’t want a baby, but a 6-12 month child would be perfect. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel done; I love kids, but I think it’s going to be more of a “how many mouths can we feed and bodies can we sleep comfortably in our house” question!

    • isn’t that crazy how we can change our minds so much? i feel like i would never regret having lots of kids. or would i? ugh. it’s so hard! :)

  5. I was certain when my 2nd was born that I wanted just one more. He’s almost 2 now and now we just don’t know. I don’t think I’m interested in spacing beyond 3-4yrs apart so I just hope for an epiphany before then. I don’t think I’ll be full of regret if we’re done with two.

    • i’ve heard some people say that you JUST KNOW, and some people say that they didn’t know if they were done for like 10 years. i’m praying that it is clear to us what God wants for our family! i already want another, but eric wants to wait!

  6. I just had my 2nd baby 12 weeks ago. I thought I we were going to be done at 2 kids but I KNOW I want another one. My 2 boys are 2.5 years apart which has worked out perfect for us. I do think we will space the 3rd out closer to 3 years. I just can’t imagine this baby being my last. I was even sad leaving the hospital with him thinking it could be the last time I ever have a baby (I’m weird and really love the whole birth experience.

    Also the 2nd baby has been a MUCH easier adjustment than I trhought it would be. Charlie has just fit right into our life like he has always been here. I think part of it is because he is a much easier baby than Drake was and I’m so, so, so much more relaxed this time around.

    Loved finding you blog. I went to Simpson too, so it is always fun to connect with other Simpson people :)

    • hey katie! so glad you found us. rooney is such a laid-back baby, and i need to be realistic that our next maybe won’t be as easy. ;) it is so weird to think of her as an older sister, or even as our oldest child (since right now she is the only one!)!

  7. Nosy readers, aren’t we?! :D That’s what we get for blogging. One at a time, I say! If we get past this first adoption and can handle the ride again…then maybe another! :D

  8. I feel like with my second, I have really gotten to slow down and soak him in. I was not nearly as anxious (ha, understatement!) as I was the first time around. Truly, watching your first born become a big sister/brother is one of the most amazing things. Oh, and my boys are exactly 3 years and 9 days apart. It is a fantastic age span if I do say so myself ;)

    • i think one of the main reasons that i want another one is because i think i will soak it in better and appreciate the miracle it is better this time. which maybe isn’t fair to rooney. i think perhaps i should just slow down and focus on enjoying the wonderful things she is doing and learning now so i don’t miss out on those, too!

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