By Kelsey on April 26, 2012 47

The Birthmark

Considering that I seem to use this blog as a diary of my deepest, darkest secrets, I’ve got another one to share.

God is teaching me so much lately.

When I first saw Rooney’s birthmark on her neck, I felt disappointed.

It makes me so sad to say that. I just finally admitted it to Eric last week.

I thought, I made this thing, and it’s not perfect.

I’m not proud of that. And, it’s not even true.

God made her in my womb, and she’s exactly how He wanted her to be.

He doesn’t make mistakes.

He set her apart and made her unique. And as someone who always wanted to stand out and be different, I should be rejoicing. (We named her Rooney, for goodness sakes. It’s not like we didn’t want her to be different.)

But at the time, I couldn’t see the beauty of it.

I assured myself that it would be fine, but I will honestly say that I didn’t like it for a while. (But then again, I didn’t like Eric for a while, either. ;)) And I worried about how it might stretch as she grows.

The pediatrician in the hospital called it a mole (I’m still not perfectly clear on the difference…) and that it is flat and nothing to worry about. It has actually lightened up in color a lot.

And everyone says it’s cute, but I can’t help but think that they are just saying that to be nice.

I don’t want Rooney to ever read this blog post, because it doesn’t matter. I really can’t imagine her without it now. I love her so much. And she is a beauty. And I need her to know and believe that.

I pray that she never says she doesn’t like her birthmark. I pray that she never feels insecure about it.

Because when I think about it, I kind of love the mole on my right shoulder. And Rooney’s will always be a reminder to me that He’s in control. And that I shouldn’t be so shallow.

Do you have a birthmark?

 

Facebook Discussion

Facebook Discussion

Kelsey

I love my husband, my daughter and the Internet.

  1. Kelsey, I love your honesty and how real you’ve been in expressing your emotions and reactions to having a baby. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more.

  2. I really have to commend you my friend. You have been so open and so honest throughout your journey into parenthood, and it’s truly amazing. I think women (especially married women) are sold quite a bill of goods when it comes to kids. It’s painted as rewarding and perfect and joyful. While (from what I understand from my family and friends with kids) it is definitely all those things, none of that comes effortlessly; it all takes a ton of work and sacrifice. It always breaks my heart to hear a woman be ashamed of the realities of being new parents – being tired, stressed, not constantly in love with their baby, etc. For you to put it out there and be honest about the hard parts and the struggles as well as the joy is so moving. I hope all new parents get a chance to see these posts for a beautiful and honest view of being new parents. Lots of love to you both!

    • Thanks, Cathy! So good to hear from you. We have shared a lot about the hard parts on this blog and I just pray that people do know that Rooney brings us lots of joy as well :)

  3. I have a birthmark, and I love it(now). It’s about the size of a dime on my left collar bone. It’s not necessarily visible with everything I wear, but I’d say it’s visible with the majority of my clothes. I didn’t always love it growing up, and I remember my grandmother making a comment about how I might want to have it removed one day. The only reason I’d ever have it removed is if it became a health risk. My aunt has one in almost the same spot.

  4. I have a large, round birthmark on my upper left thigh, kind of like a “My Little Pony,” haha. My mom says that when I was born, it was huge in comparison to my leg, but that as I grew, it “shrunk.” I have always loved it, bu I don’t know why… I think it made me feel special. It makes me who I am. :) I remember this las summer I was in a swimsuit with my very young cousins, who were 3 and 5, and the 5 year old girl points it out and says, “Madie, what’s that?!” I explained it was my birthmark and I’d had it since I was born. She looked at her thigh, like she was hoping one would be there two, and looked back at me, disappointed. “I don’t have one.” I told her that was okay, and she was very special just the way she was. :)

  5. My daughter had a relatively large and very bright red birthmark on her thigh when she was born. I was worried for her later on. I didn’t want her to every feel self conscious for have to answer questions about it. The doctors said that it may or may not fade or it could stretch and grow with her — so, basically, they had no idea (it did fade slightly and did not really stretch or grow with her). It was easy for me to forget about because I only really saw it during bath time and diaper time. She is 4 1/2 now and still has never asked me about it. I’m not even sure she realizes that it is different than how other people are. Now that I think about it … I think I would be kind of shocked if one day it wasn’t there because it has become such a part of how she looks.

    Don’t beat yourself up. We, as parents, have the insane expectations of what our children and parenthood will be like before our babies even get here. I’ve found that much of the time, I’m surprised. But it can be hard when things differ from what you’ve thought about for nine months.

  6. My daughter was born in 2010 and had “stork bites” and I remember being disappointed. That someone might notice she wasn’t “perfect”. I remember someone asking me if I’d be able to tell if they brought me the wrong baby…yep. To be honest with you, it was the only thing I could look at for awhile. Yet I can’t tell you when the one on her forehead went away (she still has the other mark, covered by her hair).

  7. It is beautiful…instead focus on and be thankful she is a happy, healthy and beautiful baby girl! Congrats, Kelsey!!!

  8. Moles and Birthmarks April 26, 2012 at 8:34 am

    As someone who has lots of moles, freckles and birthmarks…they are what they are. I was born with a birthmark on my armpit that I had removed in elementary school because the dermatologist was worried since it had changed shape and was in such an odd location. I have lots of moles that I’ve gotten throughout my life (including one in the middle of my forehead)- I used to be really self conscious about it in middle and high school- but then I decided to look at it in a different way- the moles are what make me unique. They help me stand out a little from others. I know even now my parents ask me if I’m ever going to have it removed and I decided only if it’s a health risk. All you can do is make sure to visit a dermatologist regularly once Rooney is older- when a mole or birthmark is in a prominent place that you see all the time, it’s really hard to notice if it’s changed sometimes. Help her feel proud to be a little different from everyone else- that she is special and unique!

  9. I also have a birth mark or a large mole on my left hand. My mom wrote in my baby book, under first impressions, that she thought my mole was huge. In reality, it was very small on a baby, but it has grown with me.

    I am completely comfortable with my mole and can’t seem to part with it. When I was younger, lots of kids made fun of me for my mole. They always asked me why I colored on my hand with brown marker. I stuck up for my mole every time and assured them it is not brown marker. I can’t imagine my hand without it. It taught me left from right and has always been a feature I admire because it is special to just me.

    There will always be judgmental people, ignore them! I had to ask my photographer during my senior pictures to put my mole back in photos! He airbrushed them out without my permission! So please embrace the pretty little mark on your unique, beautiful baby girl!

  10. I love your honesty! Thanks for sharing some of what’s often hidden as a secret! We don’t realize until after they are born what expectations we had; it took me by surprise and I really had to accept and trust God. As you said. Created by Him, perfect child of His! I have a birthmark on my upper leg and when I was a baby my mom would scrub at it thinking she had missed a spot when she changed my diaper LOL! It has never bothered me. My daughter has a small birthmark on her shoulder. I wouldn’t change it for anything! My brother had a bright red line (stork bite) on his forhead when he was born. Instead my mom started calling it ‘Opa’s kiss’ as he was born a few years after he passed away. It made it special! Now it has faded and only shows up when he’s mad or worried lol. Your daughter is beautiful and I think her bithmark is adorable!

    • Opa’s kiss! That is so awesome. I wouldn’t change her birthmark either, now that I think of it. Plus, it will always remind me to not be so shallow. :)

  11. I have a strawberry mark on my back and when my mom pointed it out to me when I was a child, I felt incredibly special and unique. (You’d think I thought it gave me super power!) It has never bothered me.

    I also have a bump on my lip from a bad cut when I was a toddler. 24 years later, I think I can safely say this thing is with me for life. ;-) And again, I don’t mind it, it’s just something that makes me *me.*

    You have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. What more could you ask for?

    • I love that about super powers! Yes! I feel so silly sharing this post because you’re right, it is so trivial and she is HEALTHY. We are lucky.

  12. I have a birthmark… in my eye. As a child I hated how it made me stand out, how it made me different and how it inevitably led to so many questions. But today as an adult, it is the (physical) feature I love most about myself. My eyes are two different colors, and it makes me stand out and I love that. I am sure that your little girl will one day come to love her beauty mark. She’ll realize that it is just one of many unique features that come together to make her the beautiful Rooney that she is.

  13. I have 2 :-) They are also “moles” on each hip. They even match! My mom has them also. Just little beauty marks they are! I don’t even notice them anymore (mine are quite small)but I believe they make us unique. Little Miss Rooney is simply beautiful!! Your honesty is inspiring Kelsey! I enjoy reading all your posts!

  14. I have one! It runs in our family on the girls and Ashton has one on his arm that showed up weeks after birth actually!

  15. I had a birthmark – a brown vertical line front and center on my neck. Honestly, I forgot about it most of the time unless someone asked me about it. I eventually had to have it removed because of worries that it could be cancerous and now have a scar on my neck instead! No worries for feeling this way – I’m sure my mom had similar thoughts when I was born, and that’s perfectly understandable. :)

  16. Myah had a hemangioma on the top of her head when she was born. I look for it now and then because now it’s covered by hair, but I kind of miss it. It was unique unto her and when she looks at photos of when she was little she regards it as something special that is hers…..maybe that’s part of being a twin…you still want to be different and special.
    I really love her birthmark and it’s unique unto her! She’s so sweet!

  17. Hi, sweet friend. Thank you for your honest post (and all your honest posts!). Jude has a big red birthmark on his neck that I’m certain other kids will tease him about and call a hickey. When Chris and I take Jude with us to work with some of the kids at the children’s shelter, they always say, “Ew! What’s that?!” and point to his neck. I always have to take a deep breath, SMILE, and say, “That’s Jude’s birthmark. Do any of you have birthmarks?” There’s always at least one or two kids who admit to having birthmarks, too.

    Jude’s pediatrician says that at this point it looks like it’s with him for life. It *may* lighten up a bit but most likely it won’t. I remember being sad thinking that if he ever wanted to model or act that it could be a hinderance. How silly and shallow of me. As if to show me how lame I was being, shortly after the “bad news” of the doctor telling me that Jude would always have his port wine stain, Jude booked two great paid modeling gigs and no one in casting said a thing about his birthmark.

    • I’m determined to respond as you did when people ask about it. Jude is one of the cutest kids I have ever seen. SERIOUSLY. I’m not sure you can top it with baby #2 ;)

  18. I loved the comment from Brittney about asking the photographer to put the birthmark back on her photos after he photoshopped it out! It reminded me of this summer when we were having our family portraits done and as we were starting the photographer said to Cooper, my 3 yr old son, “Wipe your mouth, buddy! You’ve got some chocolate above your lip.” I quickly (and sternly) said it was a mole. I have always loved it–it’s a Cindy Crawford beauty mark that will distinguish him from others. Cindy Crawford probably hated her mole as a kid, but look what it’s done for her! :)

  19. I’ve been reading for a while, and I love your blog! I actually have a couple birthmarks, but my noticeable one is on my back. I used to get made fun of about it when I was younger, but I started loving it as a quirky part of me when my mom mentioned how she’d use it to find me from the stands at swim meets. When we all look alike in suits, caps and goggles, she’d always be able to see my birthmark. Now I usually forget that I have it, but I love that it’s something about me that’s unique.

    Plus, I always heard birthmarks are where the angels kissed you!

  20. Hey Kelsey!
    I do! I have one on my right cheek, and I love it, a little touch of glamour! Also, I had one on my chest. I had it removed, after begging my mother to let me. I regret it. It was probably just a bit smaller than the size of a pencil eraser and now instead of a small mole…I have a much larger scar. Chest, like neck skin, is very sensitive, and I was warned against getting it removed, but I was too stubborn. I hope that Rooney loves her birthmark and all of the other things that are going to make her a unique individual.

    -Joey’s Mary (in case you weren’t sure. :))

  21. I don’t know if you remember mine… it seems kind of hard to forget. I have a huge one, the size of a grapefruit, on the back of my leg. It was just a huge splotch of white on the back of my leg. And in the summer time it was even more noticeable because it didn’t tan compared to the rest of my skin. I didn’t start owning up to until probably senior year in high school.
    When Thor was born, I was surprised to not see any birthmarks… I was actually a little disappointed. Still 2 years later, he doesn’t have one, but I hope that someday one will appear because it’ll be so unique to him.
    One of the biggest things for Rooney is that she’ll probably learn some valuable lessons in life from it like not to judge others by their appearance, not to be so vain and how to deal with judgement from anybodys comments.
    I was honestly surprised by how small her birthmark was after reading the first few sentences in the link on fb. You may need to teach her that it is uniquely hers and how to own it, but the only thing you should actually worry about is that she is a healthy girl. And by the way, I think she is absolutely beautiful!

  22. Kelsey – I love reading your blog! I have a good-sized birthmark on my shin – it is a reddish color and looks like my shin is constantly bruised. Ever since I was little, I remember my mom telling me that I was pretty lucky, because that was a sign of where God kissed me before I was born :) God must have given Rooney a little kiss on the neck before bringing her into the world!

  23. Hey Kelsey I just want to say bravo for being honest with yourself, God, and Eric. I think it is so awesome and healthy that you are able to admit and talk about these little issues with your husband especially. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our gilt over something that we feel silly sharing it with others and so it just eats away at us. Trust me I know.

    As an encouragement I wanted to let you know that my brother had a big birth mark almost covering his left cheek. I have never asked my Mom but I’m sure she would say that she felt the same way as you when she saw him for the first time. It looked a little bit like a rash in the shape of kiss or almost a doughnut. Even though it was impossible to cover up I was oblivious to it almost my whole life because it was just part of who he was. It never held him back or made him feel inferior at all. In fact, when he died suddenly a few years ago we had so many people approach us and say how much they loved his birthmark and how it is something that they will always remember him by. God knew what he was doing!

    Rooney is so beautiful but more importantly she will grow to be so much more beautiful through the love and encouragement of two great parents.

  24. Thank you for writing this post. I respect you so much for your honesty.

    My son doesn’t have any major birthmarks (that are visible) but he does have weak muscles around his right eye that cause the eyelid to droop and his eyeball to wander. I’ve questioned myself why God graced him with this “deformity” (that seems like such a negative word but I’m not certain what else to use).

    Our doctor has been waiting to see whether it improves on its own but he may be a candidate for surgery in the future to correct it. He’s simply too young right now to do anything. I’ve become so accustomed to it at this point and it doesn’t really bother me but, I have to admit, sometimes I take photos at a weird angle (like if he looks over his shoulder) and it is really apparent in the pictures and I get that sinking feeling in my stomach when looking at them. It’s mostly because I feel bad about what he’ll have to face from people as a result of it. It’s hard to believe, but we’ve had complete strangers comment about it out in public. One woman even went as far to say to me, in front of him, “You really should have his eye fixed.” People can be so cruel and I’m sure your initial reaction was partly due to wanting to protect your daughter from that type of judgement.

  25. I have one on my neck that looks like a hickey. I’ve always had it and couldn’t imagine it not being there.

  26. Laura Meihofer April 26, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I have a birth mark on the inside of my right leg just below the crease of my leg attaching to my pelvis. I was never self conscious about it until some kids at the pool told me I had poop on my leg, i was young and horrified. Needless to say my best friend who I still know to this day started yelling at them it is a birth mark and essentially to shut their mouths. I was still upset for just that day. But ever since my friend stuck up for me I have never felt self conscious about it, I just reply it is a birth mark, then I move on and those that are curious move on.

    I did have a doctor try to convince me to have it removed and I thought he is crazy! I actually like the darn thing for some reason because I’m the only person who has it and because it reminds me of my oldest friend and how much she cares.

  27. Kelsey and Eric,
    I started my adventure at Simpson in the fall of 2006, a few months after the two of you graduated, but I recognize both of your names for some reason. I somehow stumbled across your blog in the past couple of weeks and can’t stop reading! I love it! I especially love reading all of your posts about Hope, as I’m hoping to start getting involved there. Might possibly see you both around! Keep up the wonderful posts :)

    -Whitney

  28. i have a large light colored birth mark on my cheek..it looks like florida. there is also a patch a little higher on my cheek that looks like a snowflake. my grandmother pointed it out that it looked like a snowflake and i love that. there is also a small patch right next to my eye.

    as i typed all that out, it sounds like a lot. but guess what? i never, ever notice it. it is on the side of my face, but it’s a part of me and i love it and i’m probably so used to it by now. and it’s unique and fortunately i was only made fun of it one time in my life.

  29. Love your honesty and how you articulated your realization that this was God truly setting little Rooney apart :) Both my little sister and I have very visible birthmarks. Growing up, of course, children and adults asked about them. From the time we were able to talk, our parents told us that we should answer, “it’s a birthmark and it makes me special.” To this day (we both are in our twenties) we still hold on to that!

  30. I absolutely love your honesty. Always, about everything.

    And, obviously ;), Rooney is beautiful and perfect!

  31. X has one almost the exact same size and color on his knee. I felt all the things you felt and feel. It has lightened quite a bit and while it’s a bit bigger than it was when he was born, it just seems like it has grown as he has grown. He calls it his “birfmark.”

    I have a birth mark shaped like a heart on my inner thigh. It’s never bothered me. The mole I have on my lip has always been something I thought made me unique, but didn’t really love it as a kid all the time when people would point it out. It has grown a bit in the last year, and I actually have an appointment next week to probably get it removed. I have very mixed feelings about getting it taken off and some of my friends have said, “you can’t get rid of that, that’s like you’re signature thing!” They are all a part of what make us unique!

    • i remember seeing xander’s on his leg, and now i can’t imagine him without it. and, i LOVE the mole on your lip! i will be so sad if it has to be removed!

  32. I have the same one that Cindy Crawford made famous many years ago right above my upper lip, right under my nose. It’s so apparent, but I’ve grown to love it and it’s just part of my trademark, and I think Rooney’s is just so pretty too!

  33. I was born with a birthmark directly under my ear on my neck. My mom would kiss me there and tell me that’s where the angel kissed me before I was born. I loved thinking I had been specially marked by an angel.

  34. Really love your honesty, Kels.

    Jovie was born with a stork bite on the back of her neck and I always felt that it was something that made her extra special…set her apart from the other two. Maybe it’s a multiples thing, maybe not. Her hair covered it once it grew out, but it has mostly faded away now.

    Roo’s birthmark is special too, and she is just as God intended her to be. We love it!

  35. Hi, my name is Andrea and I had my birthmark ever since I was born. When, I was a baby I was 6 inches small, and I had the size of a grapefruit. My mom was also worried about my birthmark. But my grandparents didn’t like my birthmark, they wanted it removed so my parents left the birthmark alone. Then one day my mom took me to the store and one of the work ladies thought mom had hit me also not knowing, brought over a cop, and she told them “it’s a birthmark”, and the workers left her alone. Everybody apologized, but one of the India mother came and told mother, “that if that big of a birthmark is on your child she must have a lot of good luck ahead of her in the future”. And that’s what I’ve heard from my mom.

    Also, she has a small birthmark the size of a pea on her right shoulder, and grandma had a mole on the back of her back.

    And now I’m 22 yrs old, my birthmark is the size of a watermelon, It covers all of my left shoulder to the middle of my back, neck, and spinal cord. But, I still think this is proof, that I am be, and I never want to let go of my birthmark, no matter what my grandparents say, I still feel lucky. And I am also glad my mom had me, and I hope you guys feel that way too.

  36. I’m 15 and i have a birthmark on my neck. under my chin. I was scrolling through google and i saw your story so im putting my input, too. I get bullied all the time about my birthmark and ive spent countless hours crying over it. Honestly, i want it gone. I had to move schools because of it too. I get so hurt and I just cant stand it anymore.

    • Hi Bre! I hope the same thing for you as I do my own daughter: that you will fall in LOVE with your birthmark, and that the bullying would stop. I sometimes regret that I wrote this post. I absolutely LOVE my daughter’s birthmark now. If I could remove it, I wouldn’t. No way. I honestly think she is more beautiful and unique WITH it than she would be without it.

Leave a Reply

*
*

Text formatting is available via select .

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>