I Got the Blues

Baby blues are a very real thing in my life right now. That's the honest truth.

We've had some rough days here at the Williamses' house.

Being a mom is not quite what I anticipated it to be.

Even being home all day is not what I anticipated it to be. At times I feel claustrophobic and anxious.

And tired.

And it's kind of lonely (even when there are people around).

I am anxious about lots of things...that she's eating enough, pooping enough, that we'll be able to sleep tonight, that Eric gets enough sleep to stay awake at work, that I connect with Eric, that I'm eating enough and taking well enough care of my body.

I miss Eric when he's gone and count the hours until I hear the garage door open.

I am sure things will get better. But it's hard to look past the next few minutes.

Survival mode.

And don't even get me started on the breastfeeding. I salute anyone who's ever done it. We're holding up OK but it's a full-time job.

I miss blogging, but it also seems unimportant right now compared to everything else that's going on.

Being a mom is not a glamorous job. Much of the time I'm half naked on the couch and it's been days since I last showered. :)

I love our little girl (and fall more in love with her every day), but I don't think the "baby stage" is my favorite. I look forward to this summer when she can do more.

It's a transition. I have little experience with newborns, and then, all of the sudden, boom. There is one in our house for 24 hours a day. And she depends on us for her survival.

I don't know how much she should be awake during the day, or what to do with her when she's awake but not hungry or wet.

We have lots of help around the house since we came home, and I worry about what the days will be like when they go home. Or, maybe it will be for the best. So we can figure out this new normal.

There are just so many unknowns...

I need to figure out how I can stay sane between feedings and naps. And how I can get rid of this anxiety.

I would really love your ideas and appreciate your prayers.

Alright---gotta go. There's a baby here that needs to eat.